if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
