dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
