Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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