I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
