Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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