oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
