you would pick up someone in the library
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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