why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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