I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
