You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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