Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
