Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
