Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
3 2 1 whiskey
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
