If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
