You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
