Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
