Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
