You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
