Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
