Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
