Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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