How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
time to smoke my breakfast
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
