let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
