dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
