i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
