We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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