If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
