You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Green mimosas i think yes
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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