They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
