Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
