she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
