yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Houston, we have a blender
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize