I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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