I cannot find my penis.
You can't motorboat a personality
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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