I want to have your abortion
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
