he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
