I wish I could teleport
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
