did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
