If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
