There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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