your thong is hanging out like whoa
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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