Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
