Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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