i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
