I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
