i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
