I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
