I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
