Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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