did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
