ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize