your room smells of hookers.
And success
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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