Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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