So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
