my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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