he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
