hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
