Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
