I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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