All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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